Hey Johnny, here’s a thought!

Bad Ideas – August 16th, 2007 by Sarah

Since hearing of John Howard’s fabulous idea of offering a gap year in the military to school-leavers last week, I haven’t really been able to get it out of my head. It really shows where the Prime Minister’s priorities lie, doesn’t it? I mean, clearly an experience of regimented, disciplined, fascist living is far more valuable than say, I don’t know, offering a grant for school-leavers who choose to take a gap year volunteering to build houses in Cambodia. Then again, I suppose poverty-striken Cambodians aren’t nearly as important as ensuring our lap-dog style relationship with George Doubleya remains just as pathetic as ever.

Did I say pathetic? I meant secure.

Anyway, after pondering Little Johnny’s suggestion futher, I came up with a brilliant idea. Instead of sending our school-leavers off for a year of gun-toting fun, why not send some of our sporting personalities? If anyone needs discipline and some good-old fashion lessons in self-control, surely some of our national ‘heroes’ are prime candidates? Take Shane Warne for example. I’m sure a year in the military would quash his ‘philandering’ ways, and teach him a thing or two about loyalty and respect. And what about those pesky West Coast Eagles? Their alleged penchant for white powder would be knocked right out of them, and maybe the Canterbury Bulldogs would learn a couple of useful things about self-control as well.

I came up with this idea yesterday after reading about Mark Thompson, the Olympic swimming coach with a thing for young boys, who apparently spent an awful lot of time in the bedroom of one of his thirteen year old students a few years back. Like it or not, these so-called heroes of ours are in positions of power. Australia is a nation that celebrates sporting achievements arguably more so than anything else, and I’m just so tired of these people treating their success as an excuse to behave like complete animals. Drugs, rape, child molestation, adultery, the people commiting these crimes are meant to be some of our role models! Rather than looking to our sporting fields and swimming pools for inspiration, perhaps we should just head over to Silverwater and observe the inmates instead!

So basically, my suggestion is this: leave the school-leavers alone. Thirteen years of answering to teachers and the like is enough discipline for the time being. Kids who are super keen to live a life of defence force luxury will travel down that road with or without Little Johnny’s gentle encouragement. Instead, give Warnie and crew a go. Or at least offer them up to the Army Reserve for target practice.

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